Tuesday, April 12, 2016


Easy to say, isn't it?  "I will not forget you!"

But, what if circumstances beyond your control were to take that memory away from you?  What if you do forget?  What then?

Taking some time to relax this afternoon, I began to hear a program on TV about Glen Campbell and his final tour and concert.

Mr. Campbell has the dreaded disease, Alzheimer's.

He is not the man he once was.  His memory has taken away much of what he once knew.  He doesn't even know the names of his wife, children or other family and friends.  He can't name simple things that we use every day...a cup, or a toothbrush, or a comb.

But, what he does still have, lingering in the far reaches of his brain, is the memory of his music.  As he began to sing at what was to be his last concert, his memory allowed him to sing - somewhat - the songs from his awesome past.  Well, his memory and the ingenious tele-prompters that were installed within his sight!

Honestly, it wasn't the best of concerts; it was a "train wreck", as his daughter described it.  But, he did it.  And, that was that...

Speaking of the reason for the documentary, Kim Campbell said, "The more we learned about Alzheimer's, the more we wanted to shine a light on it and the more we became aware of the potential of this movie to be a catalyst for change."

Nobody wants to forget everything they know; nobody wants to forget their loved ones or the things that had once made them happy.  Nobody wants to be reduced to being cared for by a loved one who they don't even know - a stranger for all they know!

This documentary had me in tears even before I sat down to watch it.  As I sat at the computer, I knew this was speaking to me!

I am a caregiver...not something I asked to be!  I wanted to be a wife and a mother; I wanted to spend my life and my retirement with someone who would enjoy doing things with me.  Instead, this is the life we have; I am a caregiver and he is the receiver.

Well, no more than Mr. Campbell chose to "catch" the dreaded disease, my husband did not plan to either.

The truth is, he hasn't actually been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease.  He was diagnosed years ago with Vascular Dementia that will not get worse unless he has more strokes.  The fact that he has been showing signs of his memory getting worse leads me to think it is getting worse.  So, when and where did these strokes happen?  Or, did they?  And, has "vascular dementia" suddenly become "Alzheimer's disease"?

Well, I know the next step for us is to get to the right doctor to have the tests done - again! - and have the diagnosis confirmed.  Then, perhaps we can find ways to move on along the journey that is ahead.

The last song Mr. Campbell recorded is called, "I'm Not Gonna Miss You."  Written with Julian Raymond, Mr. Campbell wrote this as a love letter to his wife, Kim.

You just cannot listen to this song without crying your eyes out - I know I couldn't hold them in.  I was glad my back was to my husband; he would not have understood the reason for the tears.

These are the words:

"I'm Not Gonna Miss You"

"I'm still here, but yet I'm gone
I don't play guitar or sing my songs
They never defined who I am
The man that loves you'til the end
You're the last person I will love
Your're the last face I will recall
And best of all, I'm not gonna miss you
Not gonna miss you.

I'm never gonna hold you like I did
Or say I love you to the kids
You're never gonna see it in my eyes
It's not gonna hurt me when you cry
I'm never gonna know what you go through
All the things I say or do
All the hurt and all the pain
One thing selfishly remains
I'm not gonna miss you
I'm not gonna miss you."

No, I don't think, in the end of it all, that he or my husband or anybody else afflicted with Alzheimer's disease will "miss you"...

Because they won't even remember.

But, no matter what happens in the life of Mr. and Mrs. Campbell, or the life of Mr. and Mrs. London...

There is one who will always remember:

Ann Voskamp says it this way:  "Though we forget...You never forget us, You never abandon us, You never give up on us.  You have written us, our very names, on the palm of Your hands, written even me right into You - though we forget, You remember us..."

Though we forget, though our loved ones may forget, God will always remember.  He will not forget you or me.

My journey continues; my writing slows for inspiration to hit.  And today, it did.

Thank you, Mr. Campbell and family, for your heart-felt documentary.  Thank you, God, for allowing it to enter my heart and soul, and give me that inspiration.

Check out the website here for more information on the documentary, "Glen Campbell, I'll Be Me."


  1. Barbara, this is lovely and sad all at once. xo

    1. Yes, the words just came together thanks to such an inspiring documentary...sad, yes; but it really did help me a lot! Thanks for reading and commenting!

  2. Tears for you, your husband and all those who know someone with Alzheimer's. Thank you for sharing so openly a piece of your story that is part of who you are. I am blessed by your words and know that even though I don't understand how Alzheimers really works, we will always have an identity in Christ.

    1. Thank you, Mary! Unfortunately this is not my first experience with Alzheimer's disease. My grandmother was also a victim, and eventually succumbed to that plus other illnesses, and was in a nursing home at the time she passed. At that time, in the 1980's, it wasn't a well-known disease. At least they are now making more headway with the research.

      Thanks for the tears; for reading and commenting. It is hopeful to know that we will always have an identity in Christ!

  3. What a powerful post! I have heard that song by Glen Campbell and yes - all the tears! I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this disease - in any form or similarity. My father actually has had a few mini strokes and has gotten lost in his loss of memories... no diagnosis, but that is mostly because he refuses to go to the doctor. It's tough... and heartbreaking... and it reminds us to be oh so thankful, right? Praying for you and your hubby!

    1. Thank you Karrilee...it IS a hard road to travel...one that we don't want to be on. My husband drags his feet about going to the doctor, except to our primary physician. But he (my husband) doesn't want any of the "extra" tests and things that the doctor would want to do. Right now we are just doing the basics. Personally, I am not a fan of this primary doctor; but for now, that is the one we are using.

      Thanks for reading and commenting, and for the prayers!!


Thank you for stopping by to read my post today! I appreciate your reading and commenting - your comments are a welcome encouragement for me to continue one of my favorite things - writing!

You are special to me; and your words help in more ways than I can number...Thank you just isn't enough!