Often I ask God for understanding, patience, peace, and strength.
I need understanding of what is expected of me in this role as caregiver; understanding of why I am dealing with such "abuse" from the one whom I have lived with for over 30 years...the one that I should feel love and trust from. And, understanding of this "disease" that is making all of this hard to deal with almost every day!
I need patience to not lash back when he asks "dumb" questions; questions that he may really truly need to have the answer to, to help him to remember or hear the words I say to him. I need patience to stop what I am doing when he, (the one who acts like a toddler at times), demands what he wants right now! I need patience when he treats me like someone not good enough to even be in his presence, let alone in his conversation; one who has nothing to say that is even worth listening to as far as he is concerned...yet, we are a couple that should be able to communicate with each other, right?
I need peace in my heart that what I am doing for him - for us - is what is the right thing to do. I need peace and quiet when I am trying to read the Bible or my morning devotion; write my posts; even read whatever book I am reading...or even just have the quiet (and peace) where there is no TV or bickering or contention...just peace!
I need the strength to be the person that God wants me to be in this role as caregiver - and I still question myself almost daily if I really am a caregiver. I need the strength for what is to come in our future, together or even separate... strength to know how to handle the things that will need to be handled.
Nehemiah says, in Chapter 8, verse 10: "...and do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." (NRSV)
The Message Bible says it this way: "Don't feel bad. The joy of God is your strength.
Sitting in church on Sunday mornings, I look up at the beautiful stained glass window...Jesus is reaching out to me - to us all -
I see his out-stretched hands, and feel surrounded by what I know is needed in my life: Jesus, the one who gave His life for us; and all we have to do is ask of Jesus or God or even the Holy Spirit...
"Ask and it shall be given to you..."
And even though I pray for these things often, I think God wants to hear from us; to know that we do rely on Him for what we need, even want!
So, as I ask for strength to get through just one more day, I choose to live it with joy! I choose to: