Today has not been a very good day for me;
As a "caregiver", we must be "ON" at all times. Even if we are sick, we must still be "ON"...no matter how bad we may feel.
That is where I am: my allergies are worse than I can remember them being; my eyes are so dry and itchy and swollen, it is hard to concentrate on reading (and writing); and this coughing has me aching all over...
But, I must still continue as if nothing was wrong!
So, when I read Facebook this morning, and read Karen's prompt for today's Tuesday @ Ten, the words were there for me to share...
And, I furiously wrote them in my journal! I just wasn't sure if I could share what I was thinking on a "public" blog post!!
But, I was able to make something out of the words that I wrote; and here is this week's prompt for Tuesday @ Ten:
If I Could Change Anything...
So, yeah, if I could change anything, I'd love to have somebody that knows me; understands me; loves me; will take care of me when I am sick - or hurt, or upset!
Someone who sympathizes with my pain or allergies or bronchitas, or whatever!
Who doesn't think it's "all about him"...thinks he is the center of everything!
Someone who knows how to talk to and with me; who knows how to communicate; not just be the only one talking, and not listening if anyone else does try to speak.
Someone who knows how to empathize, sympathize...who can be in a relationship with another and not think everything revolves around only him!
OK, so now I've said it! I would change HIM!
But...that is not going to happen! He is the person he is...and the one I married - just as I am the person I am!
I cannot change him; but I can change me - or, how I react to him...
And, when I really stop and think about it - talk to God about it - I do have someone who knows and understands me; loves me; will take care of me; he will sympathize and empathize; and communicate with me...
I thank my Heavenly Father for being all of these things and so much more!! I thank Him for listening when I cry out to him...for lighting my pathway when the way is dark. For He is the one who cares for and loves me so much more than I could ever imagine -
And, He helps me to be the person I should be in my caring for a seemingly ungrateful spouse. I realize my husband cannot help some of the things he does; I also feel he can...
But, with my Heavenly Father guiding my way...
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me" -
Even change myself when needed!
Oh friend... I am so sorry you are battling all those emotions on top of the physical issues! I am praying for you, and for him... and I am so thankful that you allowed the Lord to remind you that He is always with you, always for you!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Karrilee...physically, I am not feeling much better; but I feel the prayers and love of my friends because my husband is being a little more "sympathetic". He would do more to help me; but I won't let him do some things because of his "way" of doing them...but he is concerned and "wishes" he "could do something to make me feel better"
DeleteAppreciate your comments...
Oh Barbara - I hate that you feel so stinking rotten and you must deal with this day in and day out. Lifting up a prayer for both of you - for tenderness and kindness. Venting is the only way to remain cool in heated situations. xo
ReplyDeleteOh, Susan...I hate it too!! It is something I get often; but this time...so much worse!! I appreciate the prayers for both of us...so far, physically, not much better; but his responses are a little better...
DeleteI first vented in my journal, then edited for here...but mostly kept same "content"!
Appreciate your comments...
I'm so sorry to hear that you are dealing with so much emotion on top of not being your best physically. Know that I will be praying for you, but also take great comforting in knowing that you hold the answer to your frustrated feelings in the palm of your hand and in your heart. I am so thankful that you know the comfort of you Heavenly Father. Cry out to Him, lean into Him, and rest in Him. He is your comfort and your peace. Allow Him to be your strength. Blessings!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Heather...writing out my frustrations - first in my journal - brought me to the fact that God is the answer! I cry out to Him during the day, when this coughing will not ease up; I cry out to Him in the middle of the night or early morning, when the couging keeps me awake...I know He is my comfort and my peace; I just pray for Him to be my Healer...I just don't feel like I am giving my all to anything lately.
DeleteThank you for commenting!
Ladies - I appreciate so much all of your comments and especially your prayers! I can feel them; know they are working, especially when I get "positive" comments and concern from my husband. I am sure "this too shall pass" and I will have my strength, energy, health back SOON! Praying it is so!!!
DeleteBarbara, so beautiful, I did basically the same, I can only change me, I know about chronic illness and putting one foot in front of the other. I hope you feel better soon. Blessings Diana
ReplyDeleteThanks, Diana...we can only put one foot in front of the other, and keep on "keeping on"!
DeleteAppreciate your reading and commenting!
Oh, this is such a heartfelt plea ... hoping that there will be other people in your life, as well as your inner Self, who will make themselves present, and can empathise and help you feel cared for. Being a care-giver is extremely tough. Be gentle with yourself.
ReplyDeleteYes, Alexa, being a care-giver is tough...and I am not even "really" a FULL TIME care-giver, as some people are. I do have other people in my life; it seems the times I "break down" is at home alone (or with my husband, who really does NOT have any clue how I am feeling!).
DeleteI do have one that is by my side in a heart-beat...the other night (or it may have been morning after my devotions)...I was sitting in my chair where I do my devotions; my cat, Midnight, was laying on the chair by the computer...when I was really crying, and calling out to God (out loud!!), the cat looked at me questioningly, jumped off the chair and came over to the table beside me; she put her face right up next to mine and nudged me, as if to ask if I was OK...sweet!!
Thanks for reading and commenting...
I feel your pain. The struggle is real and some days we just want it to be about us - you may remember my all about me post a few months ago. Sometimes we have to air out those feelings we have so that we can put them in perspective and move on. So glad you know you have the ONE who ultimately can change us into who he wants us to be. Hoping today is a better day and that you are feeling better.
ReplyDeleteYes, we do have to get those feelings out; and I can do so with certain friends (both those I am close to at home; and those I am connected with online. I can talk with my daughters; but don't like to always "air my feelings" with them; they have their own issues!! I do know that HE is there for me; and believe me, I cry out to Him often!
DeleteThanks for reading and commenting! Glad you are BACK!!