Time for this week's link up with Karen Beth for Tuesday @ Ten where we have a full week to write on the word prompt.
This week's word is:
GROW...
I was reaching out - hoping for a word that I could use to release the feelings I have been having the past few days...
How do I fit GROW into those feelings?
Then...it hit me - I can do this! I can use the word GROW to share my feelings and my thought of these few days; and share some of what I wrote in my journal:
When our children grow up, and become adults, they become their own person. They normally do not depend on their mothers any longer; at least, not in the same ways as when they were growing up.
They grow apart;
They grow away;
They out grow what they need from us;
But,
They do not go apart;
They do not go away;
They do not out "go" what they need from us.
The past few days have been hard for this mother!
Hearing news from one of her own -
Unexpected news;
Shocking news;
News I never thought I would hear...
And I wrote, "It's Tuesday - barely...but it is Tuesday! I just cannot sleep! I go to bed, lie down, and my mind wanders; I try to pray, and my mind wanders...
Why can I not sleep, when it's dark outside..."
The phone call came on Monday morning; my day to be home and do laundry and organize things for my weekend retreat;
Something I have been looking forward to...
But, instead, I spent the day crying and trying to process what I had heard.
And, I wrote, "My heart hurts so bad; I lie awake at night - hand to heart, feeling each beat, each pull of my insides turning upside down.
My heart is sad, as if I have lost ofe of my own; yet, I have lost one of my own in a sense! Or, have I lost her?
My own child disappointed me - once; or twice; or how many times? Yet...
A mother's love doesn't abandon; doesn't turn her back.
A mother's love gives comfort and arms to hold and love.
A mother's love opens her heart; a heart that stretches to hold each one who is dear.
No matter how much that heart hurts; it stretches and stretches...
And, it hurts with every tear shed; with every deep hurt; and yet...
It loves more even as it hurts more.
A mother's heart...
Hurts and loves and shares and cares and...
Hurts..."
Yes, our children GROW...
Apart;
Away;
They out - grow what they need from us...
But, in the end, they learn to deal with what LIFE has handed them;
They GROW into that "new" life; whatever that means...
Knowing they will never be away from their Mother's love -
No matter what happens!
Oh, hoping that having been able to express it so eloquently has helped ...
ReplyDeleteYes, Alexa; I actually was able to get these words down in my journal...and it HAS helped. Nothing that a lot of other families often go through; nothing like an illness or death...but still something hard to take - at first!
DeleteThanks for reading and commenting!
Hoping writing helped you a little today.
ReplyDeleteYes, Tara; getting these words down - first, in my journal; then on my blog - has helped a lot! That, and reading a few things in the Bible and online (sometimes the quotes, or the "Message from God" come at just the right time...even at 2 am as one of the verses came!!)
DeleteThanks for reading and commenting!
I LOVE THIS .. and I love the last quote about "hurt in order to know fall in order to grow" ... such a great reminder of the place I am in ... thank you so much for this wonderful writing! blessed to have you a part of the Tuesday at Ten .....
ReplyDeleteGlad this post touched you in the "place you are in"...I pray my writing does that! Some posts I write directly onto the blog; others, like this, come from my journaling. I was not able to get the words together until I realized that "GROW" DID go along with what I was feeling.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading and commenting!