The past few days’ posts have been pretty technical, haven’t they?! So, I decided I needed a break from what I’d found out about the disease(s) – aren’t you glad! - and just write! So, today and this weekend will be a little less technical! Hope you enjoy what I’ll share! It’s written personally - from the heart…
Ups and downs – good days and bad days. Never sure how it will be! What triggers good versus bad -why do things blow up over (seemingly) nothing! A pretty decent conversation – turns into a battle; but why? What is it that sets him off and starts the yelling?
I need to clear my head a little; figure out why I keep going; why I keep hanging on – to what? To hope? To change? To…I don’t know! I need to figure out HOW I can keep going with the uncertain atmosphere at home.
I know my life is great compared to others; but I also feel it could be better. My life – maybe that’s part of the key! It really isn’t just my life anymore…I am sharing it with one who is living with a disease that he cannot control; and most of the time, doesn’t even know or remember that he has acted in the ways I describe.
I need to find within myself what it is that keeps me going… I will share at this point that there were times when I wasn’t sure if I even LOVED my husband anymore. All of those uncertainties came from not knowing if my husband’s personality or the disease were what was causing all of these outbursts.
So, I stayed – I kept hanging on to what I had and what I hoped would change and become a wonderful life, as I saw others had. And I continued to reach out more to the one source where I KNEW I could get all the help I needed! Through prayer and more prayer, I knew that HE would not let me down!!
The feelings I am expressing are not unusual in dealing with a person with dementia. In a later post, I’ll share some of the characteristics or behaviors associated with one who has dementia. And, at some point, will share some information that may help those who are caregivers.