Saturday, October 4, 2014

Day 3 - Looking Back

Why wasn't I a better "journalist", writing down facts and information about our relationship in the beginning; about changes in the relationship; about changes in health and personality?  Why didn't I see that there was a problem instead of waiting until the problem became a bigger medical problem before actually doing anything about it?  

Well, looking back sometimes helps; but blaming myself doesn't!  Looking back over the years, and reading the information that I did write down, I can see there may have been medical problems for a number of years.  The reason for not seeing these problems, of course, may have been because it was hard to distinguish between his personality and the disease itself.

There was a time when he was cooking, grocery shopping, washing clothes, cleaning the apartment, picking the kids up from school - while I worked during the day and handled the extra-curricular activities such as school clubs and sports, and church and other events.  He was aware of the finances although I still maintained the checkbook and paid the bills.  The fact that he worked nights and slept in the morning while I was working made it easier for him to do all of these things.  And it worked for our family!

Then, I started seeing changes in his personality: spells of paranoia; confrontations; temper and semi-violent episodes, such as holding my wrists so I'd "listen" to him; calling names; not listening to others; talking to himself; even forgetting things that were told to him earlier in the day.  Arguments ensued; conflicts with my children as they became adolescents and teenagers.  I really felt all of the conflicts were his personality and the inability to "deal with" teenagers, but also with their needs (dealing with the divorce and having their father several states away and not seeing him very often).

Some of these symptoms could have been due to a medical problem; but I was so tired of being verbally and mentally abused that I just didn't see it as medical.  All of these issues were gradual, and symptoms were not always the same each time there was an outburst.


Yes, looking back, I do realize there was a medical problem that should have been addressed sooner.  I hope you will continue to follow me on this journey with Dementia’s Demands, and that you gain some insight or help from what I am sharing.

14 comments:

  1. Bless your heart. I can't imagine what it has been like for you. My mother has been diagnosed with Dementia... but she is nearly 90. Hers started after a series of surgeries that threw her into a tailspin.
    I am looking forward to reading your blog and learning how to cope and care. Keep up the great work!

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    1. Thank you for stopping by and checking out my blog...I appreciate your comment and hope that you find reading my blog helpful. I am NOT an expert, but hope that something I say helps you to cope as well!!

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  2. This illness sounds so debilitating. I pray that your authenticity will be a healing balm for you and others to share, journey and encourage one another as you engage in discussion, exchange stories, and information...may these 31 days bear good fruit, offer fresh insight and breathe new life into your days! Wishing you strength for your journey, Barbara

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    1. Thank you for your comment, Dawn. I do pray this journey to bring peace about the disease! I may not be an expert, but am living in the disease along with my husband. Hope you continue to follow along!

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  3. It sounds like you have been through a lot. I hope writing about it is helping.

    Fondly,
    Glenda

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    1. Yes, Glenda! Writing about this HAS been helpful! And now that I am sharing on this blog as well, I hope it will be helpful to others as well! I hope you will continue on this journey with me!

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  4. Am still in early stages here. Scrapbooking is a hobby too. Thought you would be interested in this blog. http://www.in-themoment.com/ they have a comparison between Alz and Improv.

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    1. Thank you for sharing, AC. I know you commented earlier that you were in early stages in your home. Please know that I am NOT an expert, but pray that some of what I may write will be helpful to you. Thank you also for the blog you mentioned; I will check it out!

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  5. Bless you for your willingness to share your story in a public way. May you be encouraged through your journey.

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    1. Thank you Merri! Sharing this publicly IS new for me, as is blogging! I usually talk to my kids when things get rough, and each have their own issues with the disease (my older two are my husband's step children and they didn't exactly have the best growing up years, as my blog indicated). As I have stated before, I am NOT an expert! Just living the journey and sharing it as I go!

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  6. Praying that you are strengthened and encouraged along your journey. Thank you for writing and for sharing.

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    1. Thank you for your comment! I appreciate the encouragement as I continue on this journey and hope it also strengthens others who may follow. This is my first time sharing openly in a blog!

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  7. It is hard to see the early signs as illness when you are so close to it. It has really be hard for my Dad to handle the personality changes and forgetfulness. There have been days when she doesn't know him and she wants him to leave because she thinks he is not supposed to be there. He told me once that out of all the people, he would think he would be the one she would not forget. As a daughter it is hard to see her go through this, but I can only imagine how much worse it is for my Dad and for you as the spouse of the one with illness. Glad you are writing about this journey. You are brave.

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    1. Thank you so much for following my blog, and for encouraging me to continue it. This journey is NOT easy - but as I see it, those closest to the person who is sick is the one that usually gets the major brunt of their actions - like how your mom doesn't seem to know your dad, or how I am the one who is being "abused" or treated badly. There is an awesome, yet tear-jerker of a movie that is so what your parents must be going through; I think it's The Notebook...it's a book by Nicholas Sparks, but has been made into a movie. I have watched it a number of times and it is so moving and gives insight into what those dealing with Alzheimer's disease may be feeling. If you are able (because it IS a sad yet eye-opening movie), I hope you will check it out if you haven't already seen it! Thanks again for the support and encouragement!

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Thank you for stopping by to read my post today! I appreciate your reading and commenting - your comments are a welcome encouragement for me to continue one of my favorite things - writing!

You are special to me; and your words help in more ways than I can number...Thank you just isn't enough!