Saturday, February 7, 2015

Random Journal Day - February 6th

Linking up the First Friday of Every Month with Dawn for Random Journal Day.

Since Valentine's Day is just around the corner, I found a couple of entries I made regarding this special "LOVE" day...

First, what is Valentine's Day?

"Each year on February 14th, many people exchange cards, candy, gifts or flowers with their special “valentine.” The day of romance we call Valentine’s Day is named for a Christian martyr and dates back to the 5th century, but has origins in the Roman holiday Lupercalia."  (Source:

So, this is a "day of romance"?  It has been many years sincee there was any "romance" in my life!

Let me share a journal entry I came across from February 14, 1991:

"(Valentine's Day) should be for 'lovers' and those who are 'in love';  but, the people we love don't have to fit that description of 'a lover' or 'being in love'.  Like: I love my kids!  I love my Mom, and my Grandfather!  I loved my Dad, and still do love him, and remember him fondly.  I also love my job; the people I work with; some more than others.  I love my friends, my special friends.  LOVE?!  There are many facets of Love; many forms of love.  Well - anyway...

I received a few remembrances: from my daughter; from co-workers and my 'boss'..."

Of course, I didn't mention love as that between a man and a woman; a husband and wife...

There was no remembrance from the person that I was/am married to...

Why is it that "in the beginning" things are great and you are remembered on special days like birthdays, Mother's Day, Valentine's Day?  You know, the "courting period"?!

But, as the years go by...

Even "back then" - nothing; same as it is now!

I just learned to live with it!


Let's jump ahead to February 2005; was it any better?

We celebrated "Senior Ministry" at church just before Valentine's Day that year; and, my favorite Scripture, I Corinthians 13 was used during the service...
These verses have meant so much to me; I have read them many times - but I am not sure how much of the meaning actually sunk in...

I wrote these verses in my journal:

"If  I speak in the tongues of mortals and angels, but do not have love, 
I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.  
If I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, 
and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, 
I am nothing.  
If I give away all my possessions, 
and if I hand over my body so that I may boast but do not have love, 
I gain nothing.  
Yes, love is patient; love is kind, 
Love is not envious or boastful or arrogrant or rude.  
It does not insist on its own way; 
it is not irritable or resentful, 
It does not rejoice in wrongdoing, 
but rejoices in the truth.
Love bears all things, 
believes all things, 
hopes all things, 
endures all things.
(I Corinthians 13:1-4 NRSV)

Reading further in my journal entry from that day, I remember what happened that Valentine's Day, and how he treated me - certainly not as a "lover" or even a wife should be treated on this special day...

How he decided to take our daughter out for dinner; and I guess I assumed he meant both of us when he said he wanted to go out...but that was not what he intended!

I went to finish getting ready; shoes, purse, etc.  And...

...when I came out - nobody was there!  I looked to see if they were waiting in the car...

but they were GONE!

It was his way of "keeping up with our daughter, what she needed or was doing" (even though she was over 20 years old); his way, even though it was Valentine's Day and it should have been least both of us even if she did go, too - a family dinner.

I was so hurt!

Later, when they came home, our daughter apologized...

...and when she left, I brought it up to him; but he just shrugged it off; said he wanted to be able to talk to her without other people around...

I told him I wasn't "other people"; I was her mother! And whatever he had to say to her could be said with both parents around!

Yes, remembering all of this takes me back to that time (and others like it); and I have had a hard time living by these words in I Corinthians...

It is ironic that this has been such a special scripture for me; when I read these words, especially the way The Message Bible reads, I Corinthians 13:4-7 and 13 clearly says how we/I should act - in love:

"Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't strut.
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first",
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others.
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything.
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

But for right now, until that completeness,
we have three things to do 
to lead us toward that consummation:
Trust steadily in God,
hope unswervingly,
love extravagantly:
And the best of the three is love."

I know I should live by these words;

But, it's hard...

Knowing I should...

That's one thing; doing what I should, that's a totally different thing...

And the only way I can do this - 

is with God's help...

So, this is how I should live in love:

I should never give up.
I should care more for others than for self.
I should not strut.
I should not have a swelled head,
I should not force myself on others,
I should not always be "me first",
I should not fly off the handle,
I should not keep score of the sins of others.
I should not revel when others grovel,
I should take pleasure in the flowering of truth,
I should put up with anything.
I should trust God always,
I should always look for the best,
I should never look back,
But I should keep going to the end.

And, I should go forward with these words on my heart...

and, with God's help, I will!


  1. I'm coming here through Random Journal Day. I understand your frustrations. I'll get back with you later. we have an appointment to keep.

    1. Barbara:I enjoyed your translations of 1 Corinthians 13.Your list of "I should. . . " speaks to my heart. Just wanted to share that with you.

    2. Thank you so much! They hit home for me as I read back over the translations I used; and I knew the "I shoulds" needed to be shared (and ME!!).

      Thanks for reading and commenting!

  2. Such a great reminder of how we are to love, I like to insert God in for the word love.. the bible does say God is love,and He is the greatest Valentine. Happy early Valentine's day!

    1. He IS the greatest Valentine and the only one we really need!

      Thanks for reading and commenting!

  3. Such a good reminder to keep loving, but it must have been so disappointing to be left behind that night. I hope you and your husband were able to reconcile over it.

    1. Things are different, for sure! He hasn't changed how he IS; but has shown a little "love"?! It's one of the things I have to accept about his personality.

      Thank you for reading and Commenting!

  4. Such an important reminder of what love should truly look like. Thanks for sharing your story.

    1. Thank you for reading, Tara! God is love; and this is what it should look like, for sure!

      Appreciate your comments.

  5. I know now that the difference lies in agape love versus our human love. It is only when we walk in agape love that those verses become true. It is a hard thing to do and I fail at it regularly...but at least now when I fail I know what causes the difference. I hope that God transforms you into loving as He would like all of us to love.

    1. Thank you, Deanna; I think HE is working on me daily and I fail at it regularly, too! I am trying hard...some days it is just so hard!

      Thank you for reading and commenting!

  6. Such an honest post, Barbara. And learning to love in marriage: the place where it SHOULD be the easiest is so often the hardest. But there you are, being faithful to God, to your husband, as a witness, because your goal is 1 Corinthians 13. It's hard and none of us can do it without HIM doing it in us. The amazing thing is that we don't have to. Thank God for that. Thank you so much for sharing so transparently.

    1. Thank you...yes, it IS hard; and harder yet with his dementia and memory loss and hearing loss, things can be quite stressful. But when I react instead of stopping first to take a deep breath before is even worse. I am still learning (and it's been almost 32 years of marriage; not quite that long with the dementia, etc.). So, yes, I need to lean more into HIM!!

      Thanks for reading and commenting!

  7. Barbara,

    Well, I just want to say- yes- to all of the above comments. I mean we know we aim for this love. ANd we love ONLY because He , our maker IS Love...but my heart still hurts for you in real time, at the rejection by your husband...regardless. Yes, WE are to love, forgive and turn the other cheek...but Jesus acknowledges our hurts, wipes our tears, comforts us in our pain. He is the God who sees all, judges righteously and loves to the uttermost. Thankful you know this one God who is the embodiment of love. Thank you for sharing, I am so blessed by your portion and presence in this community!

    1. Thank you so much's easy to write all the "shoulds" and know that is how I "should" be with my husband, and others...the hard part IS to actually DO them! And, I am continually learning new lessons from HIM and leaning into Him and His word for assurance, peace, understanding, etc.

      I appreciate your reading and commenting; and am blessed to be a part of the RJD community. I have a habit of going back and re-reading journal entries; sometimes this is a good thing - like when I can get blog posts such as this one!! But, sometimes it causes me to feel - again! - the hurts and the bad times...but I am still learning and will continue to learn until I have fully learned to trust God and lean into Him always!!

  8. Barbara- Wow! What a heart rending post laced with God's love...I am humbled and need God's love to pour through my are BRAVE in Him to keep loving in a hard situation.

    1. Thank you, Kel...sometimes these words are hard to re-read, much less share; yet, I feel if I share them, perhaps I can help somebody else. I know God loves and is there for me; I am the one that doesn't always acknowledge that! I don't always feel BRAVE; but thank you for seeing that in my words.

      As I was putting this post together, it occurred to me about the "shoulds" which I need to live by; so they were actually added to what I had originally written in my journal.

      Thanks for reading my RJD post, and for commenting!


Thank you for stopping by to read my post today! I appreciate your reading and commenting - your comments are a welcome encouragement for me to continue one of my favorite things - writing!

You are special to me; and your words help in more ways than I can number...Thank you just isn't enough!