Random Journal Day - February 6th

Linking up the First Friday of Every Month with Dawn for Random Journal Day.

Since Valentine's Day is just around the corner, I found a couple of entries I made regarding this special "LOVE" day...

First, what is Valentine's Day?

"Each year on February 14th, many people exchange cards, candy, gifts or flowers with their special “valentine.” The day of romance we call Valentine’s Day is named for a Christian martyr and dates back to the 5th century, but has origins in the Roman holiday Lupercalia."  (Source:  history.com)

So, this is a "day of romance"?  It has been many years sincee there was any "romance" in my life!

Let me share a journal entry I came across from February 14, 1991:

"(Valentine's Day) should be for 'lovers' and those who are 'in love';  but, the people we love don't have to fit that description of 'a lover' or 'being in love'.  Like: I love my kids!  I love my Mom, and my Grandfather!  I loved my Dad, and still do love him, and remember him fondly.  I also love my job; the people I work with; some more than others.  I love my friends, my special friends.  LOVE?!  There are many facets of Love; many forms of love.  Well - anyway...

I received a few remembrances: from my daughter; from co-workers and my 'boss'..."

Of course, I didn't mention love as that between a man and a woman; a husband and wife...

There was no remembrance from the person that I was/am married to...

Why is it that "in the beginning" things are great and you are remembered on special days like birthdays, Mother's Day, Valentine's Day?  You know, the "courting period"?!

But, as the years go by...

Even "back then" - nothing; same as it is now!

I just learned to live with it!

So...

Let's jump ahead to February 2005; was it any better?

We celebrated "Senior Ministry" at church just before Valentine's Day that year; and, my favorite Scripture, I Corinthians 13 was used during the service...

These verses have meant so much to me; I have read them many times - but I am not sure how much of the meaning actually sunk in...

I wrote these verses in my journal:

"If  I speak in the tongues of mortals and angels, but do not have love, 
I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.  
If I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, 
and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, 
I am nothing.  
If I give away all my possessions, 
and if I hand over my body so that I may boast but do not have love, 
I gain nothing.  
Yes, love is patient; love is kind, 
Love is not envious or boastful or arrogrant or rude.  
It does not insist on its own way; 
it is not irritable or resentful, 
It does not rejoice in wrongdoing, 
but rejoices in the truth.
Love bears all things, 
believes all things, 
hopes all things, 
endures all things.
LOVE NEVER ENDS."
(I Corinthians 13:1-4 NRSV)

Reading further in my journal entry from that day, I remember what happened that Valentine's Day, and how he treated me - certainly not as a "lover" or even a wife should be treated on this special day...

How he decided to take our daughter out for dinner; and I guess I assumed he meant both of us when he said he wanted to go out...but that was not what he intended!

I went to finish getting ready; shoes, purse, etc.  And...

...when I came out - nobody was there!  I looked to see if they were waiting in the car...

but they were GONE!

It was his way of "keeping up with our daughter, what she needed or was doing" (even though she was over 20 years old); his way, even though it was Valentine's Day and it should have been us; or...at least both of us even if she did go, too - a family dinner.

I was so hurt!

Later, when they came home, our daughter apologized...

...and when she left, I brought it up to him; but he just shrugged it off; said he wanted to be able to talk to her without other people around...

I told him I wasn't "other people"; I was her mother! And whatever he had to say to her could be said with both parents around!

Yes, remembering all of this takes me back to that time (and others like it); and I have had a hard time living by these words in I Corinthians...

It is ironic that this has been such a special scripture for me; when I read these words, especially the way The Message Bible reads, I Corinthians 13:4-7 and 13 clearly says how we/I should act - in love:

"Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't strut.
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first",
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others.
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything.
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
LOVE NEVER DIES...

But for right now, until that completeness,
we have three things to do 
to lead us toward that consummation:
Trust steadily in God,
hope unswervingly,
love extravagantly:
And the best of the three is love."

I know I should live by these words;

But, it's hard...

Knowing I should...

That's one thing; doing what I should, that's a totally different thing...

And the only way I can do this - 

is with God's help...

So, this is how I should live in love:

I should never give up.
I should care more for others than for self.
I should not strut.
I should not have a swelled head,
I should not force myself on others,
I should not always be "me first",
I should not fly off the handle,
I should not keep score of the sins of others.
I should not revel when others grovel,
I should take pleasure in the flowering of truth,
I should put up with anything.
I should trust God always,
I should always look for the best,
I should never look back,
But I should keep going to the end.
BECAUSE...LOVE NEVER DIES

And, I should go forward with these words on my heart...

and, with God's help, I will!